Sunday morning lab time

While I'm quite persistent about taking Saturdays off from the lab (I basically never come unless it's really really urgent and/or husband has to come to do something really really urgent and I tag along), I actually really love to come in on Sunday mornings, direct from Mass. Especially one like today, with the lab quiet except for the hum of the fridges and freezers and the sunshine streaming in through the big windows. It's so calm here, and it was such a beautiful trip to get here. I won't stay very long. Normally I time my exit just as others start arriving, but I have some cells to passage and plate for transfections tomorrow, and a few protein gels to pour so they're ready to run first thing in the morning. Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.

Well, there's that change....

Thanks for the comments and concerns about my last post. Everything is indeed ok, just that life looks a little different than I thought they would be a little while ago. The news I got on Friday is actually very good news, it just means I have to re-consider my next career move, or at least its timing. Now that I've told my PI in real life, (even though it's pseunonymous I have no idea if anyone I know reads this) I can tell you...

Shortly after I sent out my postdoc applications I found out that one of my big dreams just might come true. Friday we went to the doctor and so far, so good. It's still early, things could still go wrong (my other 2 pregnancies ended around the 12th week), but Husband and I are both feeling positive and hopeful. Unfortunately for the career side of my life, my doctor has ordered me not to travel until well into the second trimester, which means I have to cancel the interviews I had scheduled for not so far from now... I was super worried and stressed for a number of reasons, not least of which was that I thought this might have been my one and only chance to go to interview in my favorite dream labs. I had hoped to interview before anyone could tell about our upcoming addition, but now it will likely be obvious as soon as I walk in the door. I wanted to have a chance for the labs to see me just as me the scientist without any other distractions. It's been suggested that, all things going well on the reproductive front, I put off interviewing until after the birth. Then I'll be able to have a better idea of a start date that will work for me, and (barring lactation problems) have my body (mostly) back. We'll see. It sure adds a whole new dimension to the situation of looking for a postdoc.

I was super scared to talk to my PI earlier this week and tell him that I have to cancel my interviews, but things actually turned out surprisingly positive. He seems really supportive of me, and realizes how important this is to Husband and I. My contract in the lab runs out about 2 weeks after I would start maternity leave (PhDCity land has great family leave policies) so I'll finish out my time here and see how it goes. I've assured him (also as a way of trying to assure myself) that this is not the end of my postdoc search, and definitely not the end of my career. But I have no doubt that things might progress a bit differently than originally planned. And I'm (trying to be) ok with that. This is something I've wanted my whole life. I can't really say the same about my research career...

The main complication to the whole situation is that Husband's postdoc funding runs out in the summer time. We have some savings, but it would be much nicer not to have to exhaust them (was hoping they might be useful when we move to a new city, maybe even towards buying a condo or small house). So Husband's job search has taken priority again. Maybe this will even turn out to be good for him, as it gives him a bit more time to search while I'm on interview hiatus. I have to admit that it would be nice to not have the sole pressure of finding a job to cover all our expenses in new place and settling on a start date when I have no idea how things will go as a new mom... But I'm getting ahead of myself. First things first, focus on a healthy pregnancy, and trust that things will fall into place somehow along the way.

In unrelated news, we now have a publications date for my PhD work article. I can't wait to see it in print and be able to download it. How exciting!

Terrified

For unbloggable reasons, I'm completely and totally distracted from work this morning, and quite literally shaking in my boots. I have an meeting in a very short time that has the potential to drastically change life as I know it, or to potentially send me plummeting off the deep end (again). I get anxiety attacks sometimes, and I think I'm having one now. It's a bit like I feel before I have to stand up and give a talk, I can hear the blood rushing and pounding in my head, chills run continuously down my arms and legs, little black dots start floating in my eyes and my heart is racing a mile a minute. I'm a wreck. It's a kind of go, no-go announcement and I'm not even sure 100% what I want the outcome to be. I have to get myself together and get to the meeting. I hope my legs will carry me....

Too close for comfort?

I'm trying now to schedule the geographically similar "clump" of interviews that's rapidly approaching. I have arranged to visit 5 places in 4 cities... only one of the cities is dramatically distant from the others, but the minimal travel time by commuter train between cities is 1.5 hours. Can I do 3 interviews in 3 days? (two in the same city plus one in the city 1.5 hours away?) Is that just asking for trouble? Should I space them out with a one day gap in between? Ideally I'd like that, but there are some scheduling conflicts and I have to look after finding a place to stay in between which I wouldn't have to if I did them all in a row... My mind feels like mush and I'm having a really hard time trying to work this out. Advice?

traveling is exhausting

It's been 3 flights, 1 car ride and a journey by bus (plus countless trips by other means of public transport) since last Wednesday, and I'm still not home... I am enjoying (for the most part) the interview process, but feeling a bit stressed at the upcoming decision making... I'm pretty sure I DON'T want to go to one, possibly 2 places I've visited, liked the most recent place a lot, but still have to weigh the pros and cons and visit other places before making a decision. Mostly right now I want to curl up in a ball and just take a break. I think I caught Husband's cold that he's been battling, and I have a throbbing head and queasy stomach to show for it. I'm going to try to explore potential new PostdocCity today, there are actually breaks of blue sky out the window, and the promise of a nice spring day (between bouts of rain). I think I hear a sidewalk cafe calling my name before I have to head back to the airport.... more when I'm back in PhDCity.

All but one...

After sending off my last batch of geographically-similar applications, I've now heard from all but one place. And all but one of those I heard from (including the phone interview first lab) offered me an in-person interview! I'm so excited, but getting nervous too. As you may have guessed from my last post, I've been having some issues with my PI over how to treat the travel required for visiting potential postdoc labs... personally, I think that interviewing for a postdoc position should count as an official business trip. In my mind, it's really part of the job, and the final steps in completing a PhD enroute to an academic research career. Everyone I informally surveyed (and those of you who voted on the sidebar) seemed to agree with me, so at least I was confident I wasn't a totally wacko with completely off-base priorities when discussing the issue (yes, for the third time!) with my PI. I think the PI wasn't too pleased but in the end, signed my travel permission forms... I have a feeling I'll have to battle it out again when I get the largest trip planned out in the coming week or so. Why must it be so unpleasant? I really hope I manage to find a postdoc PI more grounded in reality.

My first 2 interviews are in the next week... My talk is *almost* ready and I have a few more reviews I'd like to read through before my visits, but otherwise, I just have to pack my bag and go. Blogging will be sporadic at best for the next week, but I'm hoping to contribute something to Mother of All Scientists weeknight recipe carnival (unfortunately I'm not so sure frozen pizza would qualify....hmmmmm....).

In the meantime, Happy St Patty's Day everyone!

Let's put it to a vote

So, in the institute where I work, it is important to have an official form signed whenever one takes a trip away from the lab. Such trips are divided into "vacation" and "official journey". My trip with best friend to a near-by locale while she was here to visit was most definitely "vacation" while my trip to a conference where I gave a talk was an "official journey". Where would you classify the travel for postdoc interviews where you give a seminar on your work and visit another lab? Vote in the comments (and on the side bar if I manage to figure out how to add a poll...)